I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
