the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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