I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
