Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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