I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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