Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
