My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
