I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
