I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
