they need to just BURY HIM!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
