Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize