; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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