We're facebook friends in real life
420 ftw
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
