I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this boner is exhausting
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
