i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
