I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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