get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
