I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize