Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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