she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
