I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
