Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
