I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
