I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
