I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
