I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
