My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
