Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
