tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
