uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize