it wasn't lemon gatorade
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
