I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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