I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
