we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
