Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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