I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
