hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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