Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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