i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
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