Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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