I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
