let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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