walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
