I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
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so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
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Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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