you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
