Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
