I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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