Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
