What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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