My nipple is on Facebook.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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