I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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