i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
last night I used snow as a chaser
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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