You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
