he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So much rum. So many feels.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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