eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's never too late to be topless.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
