I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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