I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
