you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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