Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I want to be your penis for a week.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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