The maid of honor just puked.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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