Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
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What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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