i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
