This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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