tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
