the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize