Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
