It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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