based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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