I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
