So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
