great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i think my mom watched the whole time
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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