I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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