YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Fuck appropriateness.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
