I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
