No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
is that a dick in a sweater?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
