Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
