Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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