this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
