wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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