Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize