how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I want her autograph on my taint
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
