So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
