I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
