can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
