FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
