at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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