You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
