Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
