bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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