I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
