Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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