I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
