Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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