I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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